Mabel Elaine
I am simply amazed that I had any time to sit down and write down what the heck my life has looked like for the past month. Holy crap, it’s been a month. A month with Mabel! A month of trying and failing to being a mom! A month of raging hormones. A month watching Clay grow into his role as a dad beautifully. A month long of periods, bloody nipples, and all sorts of weird indescribable aliments. A month of watching Jerry conquer his Mabel fear. A month of insurmountable highs and dark lows. Never in a million years did I think that my life could change so much in such a short amount of time. Today my sweet Miss Mabel is one month old!!!! And, yes to address the haters she is still alive, well, and healthy. Shoutout to Clay for being a kick ass dad, support and getting us through month one!!!!
In honor of Queen Mabel being on the earth for one whole month I thought that it was time to properly introduce her! She is absolutely perfect. From her milk coma smiles to her poopy blown out diapers, literal perfection. Mabel’s journey into the world was THE SINGLE MOST PROFOUND MOMENT OF MY LIFE! Throw it back to late November when Clay and I were thrust into the world of early pregnancy. Giddy, clueless, and excited we did what most naïve first-time parents do. Buy an item of clothing/toy way too far in advance, buy a bunch of parenting books, and go to the hospital to get our first ultrasound.
Flash forward to a few months later, Clay and I find ourselves deeply entrenched in the Kaiser western medical system hamster wheel. At this point in my early pregnancy, I find myself drowning in anxiety, feeling like another sardine in the can, scared, and quite frankly dreading birth. How sad is that?!?! A first-time mom dreading giving birth!
(Also side tangent pause: Let’s freakin normalize not having the perfectly sunny, always positive pregnancy. It is absolutely okay to ride those highs and lows. If you relate to my experience in any way know that you are validated in feeling whatever you are feeling. It is absolutely real and just because others around you don’t get it doesn’t mean that it isn’t real to you. That’s something I wish more people said to me when I was wandering mindlessly through my early pregnancy journey).
I couldn’t imagine not knowing the person that was going to deliver my baby. Or being hooked up to tubes and machines while also trying to breathe and relax. Many times, I felt like my opinions were not being heard. I DIDN’T FREAKING WANT THE INJECTION OR THE EPIDURAL OR THE INTERVENTION! My concerns were often met with intimidation-based advice, the classic response “you’ll have time to think about it and change your mind”, and scare tactics targeted at our growing baby.
Back on track now. Clay and I sat down and made of list of all of the things that we wanted from our birth experience. The list included: Deliver a healthy baby, feel safe, have our preferences and opinions heard, unmedicated, minimal people in the room, and feel confident/strong during delivery. With that list Clay and I made the decision that we were going to have our sweet baby girl at home. Long story short, that’s exactly what we did. We didn’t go back to the hospital, found an amazing ND midwife, enrolled in a deep breathing childbirth class with the ever so amazing Penny Simkin, and we shut off the outside noise from others. As I said earlier our home birth was THE SINGLE MOST PROFOUND MOMENT OF MY LIFE! Our home was filled with so much peace before, during and after. I felt confident that with Clay coaching me and being by my side every step of the way that we could not just endure through our delivery but thrive! We had gotten everything we wanted and more from our experience and it was simply life changing. (Also, future moms that are interested in learning more about experience please feel free to reach out and ask me anything)!
Hours after our perfect baby girl (yet to be named) was born she was happily breastfeeding, laying in bed with mom and dad, healthy as ever, simply looking around taking in the strange out of womb life. Flash forward to Clay and I curled up on a day bed in the NICU three days into Mabel being admitted for a heart condition. On that day we officially named her Mabel Elaine Lambourne. We found ourselves so tired, overwhelmingly happy, worried, dirty (we never left the hospital to go shower), hopeful, and so ready to be home again. Mabel left the NICU healthier than 20-year-old Muhammed Ali. She was a fighter, she was ready to go home, and she was obviously still perfect.
You know people never stressed to me how insane the infant phase is. SO, MASS WARNING TO ALL EXPECTING MOMS: The infant stage is a slap in the face, you cannot prepare in any way, and every time you think you have something figured out, they change. Navigating this past month with Mabel has been quite the train ride. If the train was missing half of its wheels, traveling over the Matterhorn, going 100mph, and dementors were throwing tomatoes at you. Holy crap it can hard and most days you have no idea wtf you are doing. But infancy is also magical, wonderful, and such a beautiful time to spend with Baby Maybe. We have found so much joy and love, not only for Mabel but within our marriage. We have learned and experienced more in this month than we have ever before.
Happy one month of existing Mabel. You are beautiful, ever changing, sweet, gentle, sassy, a fighter, and you manage to amaze us every single day. This last month with you has dropped us in the deep end of the pool, treading water, trying to figure out how to be the best versions of ourselves for you. And holy cow it’s only been a month! I cannot wait to see what the future holds and continue to ride the waves. Please enjoy a plethora of pictures below.
